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December 15th, 2008

(no subject) @ 02:17 am

I honestly don't go on livejournal ever unless its to read the mac cosmetics community posts. and every single time I try to get "accepted" into that shit I get declined. It REALLY pisses me off.... anyway, point is maybe I have to write in this damn thing more often to get noticed. I don't THINK anyone reads livejournal and if you do you may want to let me know.

Because I'd like to know who reads my innermost deepest thoughts about absolutely jack shit.


December 12th, 2008

(no subject) @ 02:02 am

The doorman opened the door as she stepped out of the spotless lobby onto the dirty, dark gray concrete of the sidewalk, carefully making sure the heels of her 4 inch canary yellow pumps didn't get stuck in the cracks of the old and weather beaten path. The interview went well, however she couldn't help but think she could have done better. Perhaps she could have answered the timeless question of "why do you want to work here" a little more enthusiastically, and even smiled a bit more. There was only one thing on her mind the entire time the woman with the bad dye job was speaking to her though, and that one thing was the rush that she felt when she was on stage. It was hard settling for a job where she would sit in a tiny cubicle and stare at a screen all day, typing away to the rythym of a dull and monotonous life, while wasting her creativity away.

April 30th, 2008

(no subject) @ 10:41 pm

um no one reads livejournal so i'm going to complain here because no one else wants to hear it.

my ''friend'' posts bulletins on myspace and talks shit in her answers sometimes and i know that this shit talking is directed at me. (pretty stupid i know, but im pretty lame) and im too chickenshit to confront her about it. i know she is my ''friend'' and thats why she won't just up and say it to my face.... and i also know that she doesn't trust me for shit because of something i didn't even do a LONG time ago. but it makes me so fucking mad that she won't just up and say something. i think the real reason i won't confront her about it (besides the fact that im a scaredy cat) is because i don't want to deal with talking to a wall. because thats exactly what it will be like. she just doesnt get it.

i dont really have much else to say. just venting to no one.

August 16th, 2007

(no subject) @ 02:27 am

i don't really know where to begin. im feeling quite neutral about the world this early morning. im not angry and im not happy. i do however have a lot racing through my mind. i do not particularly like the way my life is going, and somedays i sit and think about the past and what i would have done differently. had i not been drunk that night, had i not of met her, had i not sent him that message.... so many things could have been different in my life based on tiny everyday things that i normally wouldn't think twice about. unless it were a night like this.

is it bad that i feel uncomfortable writing this

December 19th, 2006

(no subject) @ 03:05 pm

i just want to lay in bed for the remainder of the day with my dog. and i miss toby. poor dead toby.

(no subject) @ 03:04 pm

i have a lot of "best friends"...

but my BEST friend...

is my chihuahua!

shes the only one, that i can look into her eyes... and everything be okay again.


December 15th, 2006

i don't care if you don't like my brutal truth @ 10:21 pm

im laying here, snuggled up in my make-shift blanket, which is a sleeping bag that i had from when i was younger. i didn't have the money to go buy a nice comforter when i moved out of my grandparents house, so ive been using this ever since. it does the same job, and it might even be warmer. my dog jenna lays with me and gives me that extra bit of warmth that i need to keep from shivering. im half hungry. i had a small microwave pizza at my grandparents house after work. the only time i eat is when im at macaroni grill or if and when i stop by to see my grandparents from time to time. they usually always have something there to snack on. my hairs a little bit of a mess, and i could probably use a shower, but for some reason tonight i just want to sit here and do nothing. i thought for a while that i wanted to go out, but i can't seem to get ahold of anyone except the cute boy from work who wants me to come over and watch a movie with him. normally, i would jump at the chance, but something inside me says that it will only be leading him on. i've always said, that im great to like, but terrible to love. and its the brutal truth.

more to come

December 2nd, 2006

things i wrote in my diary @ 10:31 pm

when i was happy....

when i walked towards you after getting off that plane, i felt my body fill with the most sincere joy i could ever imagine. you know you're happy with someone when even coming home from a vacation without them is more exciting than the vacation itself. i remember watching you from the passenger seat the entire way home, and the inside of that truck was my whole world for just a little while. when i watched you speak, i noticed every single detail about your lips and how they moved, wanting nothing more than to kiss you. there were times when i would go to your house and watch you fall asleep while i was in your arms. i remember looking at every inch of your body and not finding one thing wrong. i would notice and love every single tiny freckle. i felt a warmth crawl through me when i looked at you, every single time, the feeling never dulled and the passion we had intensified with each kiss. no one has ever made me feel the way you did when you kissed me. it's like we were built for it.

when i was missing him...

it was a deception for him to let me come there tonight and see you. i never expected you to be there, and i never would have come had i known you would have been. i know you don't want to see me. but as mad as i was for being tricked, i was so happy. whether its seeing you across a baseball field, wearing those cute pants and that blue jersey, or whether it's seeing your truck at work while driving by, just knowing that you're alive and well is so reassuring to me. you looked so handsome out there, and every little move you made reminded me of the man i miss every day of my life. you know, not a day goes by that i dont wonder where you are.

someone else wrote this one...

"Do you realize I would stare at the moon all night just to know that you might give it a glance and we might be finally seeing something at the same time?
I want to know what makes you tick, what makes you shine, what makes you love, because I want to be that person.
I want to make you dinner (again)

and wake up in your arms... (again.)"

and now...Collapse )

November 7th, 2006

(no subject) @ 03:50 am

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

I miss somebody right now.  (but i hate his fucking guts) × I don't watch much TV these days.  (only prisonbreak and the oc) × I own lots of books(i only have a couple by dan brown)
I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (blind as a bat) × I love to play video games(i suck at them) I've tried marijuana.  (not my thing so much)
I've watched porn movies.  (use your imagination) I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.  (hahah and i drunk dial him every day) I believe honesty is usually the best policy.  (i only leave things out)
× I curse sometimes.  (all the time) I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.  (good.) × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
it goes on...Collapse )

October 19th, 2006

i fucking hate kids @ 07:39 pm

im posting this entry for the mere fact that i thought my new user icon was funny.